I just came from an audition yesterday. It was a final callback for a TV Commercial. As I was waiting for my turn, a few thoughts came to mind. I couldn’t comprehend how I ended up here, doing this kind of job.
To give you a background, I was a shy kid (up to now I am, but have managed to be more sociable hehe). Not only was I shy, I was also bullied. Girls in our school service would pull my hair and call me names and I dreaded the long ride from school to our house. As a child, I knew I wanted to perform but the circumstances I faced caused me to be afraid. I didn’t want to go to auditions coz I didn’t want to be rejected. I even had a teacher who gave us a homework to act out a poem in class and it got me excited. But on the day we were to perform, she announced to our class that her favorite student would get the highest possible grade and we couldn’t—we just weren’t good enough. I wonder how it affected my classmates. For me, it meant total shame and rejection. If my teacher didn’t believe in me, how would anyone else do? I carried that fear as I grew up. I even passed up on competing in a declamation contest in highschool even if, this time, my English teacher told me go for it. I just didn’t want to end up losing and making a joke out of myself–in front of the entire school. However, I knew deep down I still wanted to perform, and entertain people for a living. That was my dream since I was three years old. I just didn’t know how or if I would ever muster enough courage to risk rejection from an audition or from people.
When I was 14 years old, I first heard the Gospel from my English teacher, Teacher Aida. She was the same teacher who told me I should join the declamation contest. I just didn’t fully grasp the gravity of the Good News until I was 18. God had to slowly heal my hurts from my childhood so I could fulfill the call He has for my life. God had to heal me from trying to please others and remind me I was enough for Him–not because I am good, but because He is.
Along the way, I met people who believed in me and the greater plans God has for me. They prayed for me and pushed me to jump off the boat and live out the destiny I have in Jesus Christ.
I’ve probably shared this a lot of times already, but in 2010 I finally had the courage to jump off the boat. After eight years in Los Angeles I came back to the Philippines to pursue a career in the entertainment industry full time. Today, a huge part of my job is to go to countless auditions, and most of the time I don’t get the part. Haha! BUT, my heart has changed. I do my job with the security in my identity in Jesus Christ. Whether it is auditioning, or performing on stage, on camera or recording voice overs, I do it now with confidence in my God who saved me, and His Word says He loves me. Everything I do now, I do for His purpose and His glory. Knowing that has freed me from the burden and bondage of pleasing others. I am still on a journey, and life is not free from trials. The only difference is, when temptations come and I feel rejected, I can remind myself of who I am in Christ, and Who has called me for His purpose.
Is there something God has called you to do but you are afraid to do so? Whatever the reason for your fears are, I believe God wants to heal you and set you free! He wants you, and He has a destiny and calling specifically for you. Finding it out starts with a relationship with Him. Have you given your life to Christ yet?